Okay, so in the past year I have read about 250 books, probably more. I bought a kindle it has been my best source of entertainment for 2012. I have read mostly free books, as my financial situation hasn’t done nothing but go further into a deep dive. I am still waiting on a disability decision, now in the appeal stage. In 2013 I should have an answer from Social Security, and I will be in the depths of despair if it is a negative answer.
About reading all these books, none of them have been romances or any thing resembling ’50 Shades’ of anything. I am not into those types of books; in fact, when I learned The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was dealing with some S & M topics, I even shied away from that whole series of books. In the books I have read though, there is often an element of romance, but the plot deals with something I am more into. After finishing the last book Circle of Bones: A Caribbean Thriller by Christine Kling, I realized I am sincerely lacking in so many areas.
Not to give away the book, as it was truly a good read, the lead character is a woman, ex Marine, who is fit and looks good in clothes. The problem she has and which stops here from trying to form any romantic relationships is that she has a huge scar from her shoulder down her back from a bombing she was close to. She looks in the mirror at her image and is proud of how fit she has kept herself after she left the Marines, but then she sees the scar and feels no man will ever want her because of this scar. She finds out differently in the latter part of the book.
Now, in a totally different medium, The Sun Magazine, [December 2012] there is a short story in the “Readers Write” area in which a woman who has a scar from a mastectomy is attempting to have sex with a stranger. She is ashamed of the scar, doesn’t take her top off, and yet is also not getting any pleasure from what is happening. Finally she tells the man she is with about the scar; he kisses the area, and then asks if she just want to lie together. So, here she is a woman who has been through a lot in real life, not fiction this time, and yet finds a stranger who is compassionate enough to just be with her and not be rude or judgmental about her body.
I am thinking there are good men out there, and once I get back on my feet and feel whole again, I will be out there maybe dating again. All of this gives me a ray of hope, small, but still some thing to hold onto.
Yahoo! has the balls to run a story the other day about how credit scores are changing the face of dating and future relationships. From what the article said, it appears many young people are questioning dates about their current credit score, or using specific dating sites which cater to this kind of thinking. I have to sit back and re-assess my ray of hope. When I will be back in the dating world again, this is who I will present as:
Single, white woman, no house, no kids, no vehicle, no apartment, possibly on disability, student loan heavy, have a Master’s degree, working on a Doctorate degree, no job, no credit cards, well read, not fit physically…
There, you see, the list goes on and on. What is someone going to do with all the information? Dial it all down to a credit score? Not fair. The bills I have which are outstanding are medical and educational. Was I supposed to borrow the money from my parents for my schooling, like Romney so portrayed we are all supposed to be able to do? Well, a single Mother on Social Security only is not really cash heavy, so asking her for school money was not an option. Was I supposed to just sit here while I wait for Disability to decide on my case and do nothing, watch all the reality shows? Well, we don’t have cable or any TV, so that option is out. I guess to satisfy all the people who think the credit score is the bottom line of a person’s worth, I would have to just sit on my hands these last three years, and do nothing with my mind. Maybe we would have more to talk about if I had kept up with the Kardashians, or watched Honey Boo Boo.
My final thought here is this: I hope to get the disability next year (2013), get my needed surgeries, and get literally back on my feet again. When I date though, I will not have a perfect fit body, I will have scars from the surgery, and I will have debt that will need to be addressed when I start working and finally finish my Doctorate. What will my chances be of finding one of these wonderful men who will understand all of this? Slim to none, I am thinking.
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