I am desperately trying to keep a stiff upper lip, but it is getting very hard. I recognize others have and are going through much harder issues than I am right now, but this is my struggle right here, right now.
I went to the other doctor the Social Security Disability judge sent me to on the 22nd of March. I have not heard anything from Binder & Binder or Disability.
Classes start up again Friday, at least the course room opens then, and classes officially start on Monday. The school is really pressuring me to take the 2nd Colloquium, and in my last quarter I understand why. I had a class which was particularly difficult for me, and when I spoke with the professor, she said if I had attended the 2nd Colloquium prior to the class, it would have been easier for me. Now in looking at my Degree Completion Plan I realize I should have taken the 2nd Colloquium a long time ago, and am now getting ready to be due for the third. I am not sure how to pay for it is the biggest problem. I have spoken with disability, and they offered if I could provide documentation as to why I couldn't travel to a Colloquium, besides cost issues, they would do a special 1 on 1 with a professor colloquium. I would still be liable for the colloquium cost though, which is $1,400+. That is without travel, hotel, and any other costs.
I know the judge would be so happy to read this, but I am getting really tired of waiting. I know I cannot go back to being a paralegal, not just because the jobs are so scarce, but because I cannot do the office work required. I cannot go back to retail as my knees will in no way support me in that venture. So, the only other thing I could possibly do is finish this degree, while looking for online teaching jobs. I haven't even been looking as most of the ones I did see about a year ago were requiring a Ph.D. to even be considered, much less experience. I might have a better chance in a brick & mortar school, but all the walking and standing required for this is totally unreal for me.
So, am I doomed to live with my mother for the rest of my unnatural life? Surely, say no! She is having to defend my keeping of things to her Bishop. I wish he would just stay out of what is not his business. Mom has told him before I am not giving up my stuff, that I don't hoard things, and that I will need the items again when I move out. But, again last night, she had to defend me against her bishop. I think, from the way she related it, she may have done so in a manner in which he won't ask her again. I did add she might have told him she has not been solely responsible for the cost of the storage for a long time: she didn't have to start paying full price until just this last 3 months. This is due to my not having any unemployment benefits or school money. I am sure he thinks I am a leach and having Mom pay for everything for me. I wonder if she adds she uses my Food Stamp card as well, which is a measly $200 a month.
Anyway, I feel alone, and now I am officially depressed. I don't want to get out of bed, see no purpose in changing out of my night clothes, and am generally just not motivated or goal driven for anything. I have one friend here, but she has many commitments, thus she is not available for long conversations. I have my adopted brother in Texas, but he also is very committed to many things, thus does not have a great deal of time for me. I have a friend in India, but he just changed jobs to a French company and doesn't have time to write me like he used to. My pop in Wisconsin has extreme health problems which keeps him from the computer a great deal. My real sister in California and I just don't get along, my education keeps looming in front of her face even when I don't say anything about it, and she gets mad at me. And my Mom, we are so different, we just don't see anything the same. What gets me the most about her is she pounds on me all this stuff about thinking positive and making positive plans, and then she will turn around and give me some crap which is totally negative. I will make this obvious to her and she gets mad at me.
So, I am done with sharing my mind today. This is why I don't write often anymore, I don't like to write depressing stuff.
I went to the other doctor the Social Security Disability judge sent me to on the 22nd of March. I have not heard anything from Binder & Binder or Disability.
Classes start up again Friday, at least the course room opens then, and classes officially start on Monday. The school is really pressuring me to take the 2nd Colloquium, and in my last quarter I understand why. I had a class which was particularly difficult for me, and when I spoke with the professor, she said if I had attended the 2nd Colloquium prior to the class, it would have been easier for me. Now in looking at my Degree Completion Plan I realize I should have taken the 2nd Colloquium a long time ago, and am now getting ready to be due for the third. I am not sure how to pay for it is the biggest problem. I have spoken with disability, and they offered if I could provide documentation as to why I couldn't travel to a Colloquium, besides cost issues, they would do a special 1 on 1 with a professor colloquium. I would still be liable for the colloquium cost though, which is $1,400+. That is without travel, hotel, and any other costs.
I know the judge would be so happy to read this, but I am getting really tired of waiting. I know I cannot go back to being a paralegal, not just because the jobs are so scarce, but because I cannot do the office work required. I cannot go back to retail as my knees will in no way support me in that venture. So, the only other thing I could possibly do is finish this degree, while looking for online teaching jobs. I haven't even been looking as most of the ones I did see about a year ago were requiring a Ph.D. to even be considered, much less experience. I might have a better chance in a brick & mortar school, but all the walking and standing required for this is totally unreal for me.
So, am I doomed to live with my mother for the rest of my unnatural life? Surely, say no! She is having to defend my keeping of things to her Bishop. I wish he would just stay out of what is not his business. Mom has told him before I am not giving up my stuff, that I don't hoard things, and that I will need the items again when I move out. But, again last night, she had to defend me against her bishop. I think, from the way she related it, she may have done so in a manner in which he won't ask her again. I did add she might have told him she has not been solely responsible for the cost of the storage for a long time: she didn't have to start paying full price until just this last 3 months. This is due to my not having any unemployment benefits or school money. I am sure he thinks I am a leach and having Mom pay for everything for me. I wonder if she adds she uses my Food Stamp card as well, which is a measly $200 a month.
Anyway, I feel alone, and now I am officially depressed. I don't want to get out of bed, see no purpose in changing out of my night clothes, and am generally just not motivated or goal driven for anything. I have one friend here, but she has many commitments, thus she is not available for long conversations. I have my adopted brother in Texas, but he also is very committed to many things, thus does not have a great deal of time for me. I have a friend in India, but he just changed jobs to a French company and doesn't have time to write me like he used to. My pop in Wisconsin has extreme health problems which keeps him from the computer a great deal. My real sister in California and I just don't get along, my education keeps looming in front of her face even when I don't say anything about it, and she gets mad at me. And my Mom, we are so different, we just don't see anything the same. What gets me the most about her is she pounds on me all this stuff about thinking positive and making positive plans, and then she will turn around and give me some crap which is totally negative. I will make this obvious to her and she gets mad at me.
So, I am done with sharing my mind today. This is why I don't write often anymore, I don't like to write depressing stuff.
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