i am tired, i will start with this. these illnesses have just been taking their toll on me, and i feel all the fight has left me.
i checked in with my doctor who is supposed to be treating me for the lupus and fibromyalgia, and the assistant said there was a note on my file asking, "are we treating her for lupus?" talk about leaving me deflated and hopeless on the disability claim. what is going on?
i am also having to take care of tracking the finances spent in the household, mom is just not up to it. she needs some serious medical tests and exams to find out what is causing her problems, but she can't afford the co-pays. she worked most of her life, and now can't afford the medical co-pays, and this is with additional insurance to the medicare, to help ease her pains and to figure out if she is having mini strokes. this is not an entitlement, this is something she paid into when she worked, and now it is not there. what is going on?
on the local level, a very popular school, one which has had a very successful sports program for as long as i can remember just cancelled the last three games. the reasoning was there was not enough eligible players left to play on the team. there was no details, but is this saying these boys did not make the grades to allow them to play further this year? is education getting cuts so bad we can't afford to teach the average student enough to pass a standardized test? what is going on?
on the national and international level, people are demonstrating and getting very vocal about those with the power. in Italy, the commissioner said the violence seen there was due to the indigents who were protesting. well, sir, i would be considered an indigent in our social class, and i am sure it would be the same in Italy for me in my current circumstances. yet, i have a masters in human services, am over 2/3 through a ph.d., have a very crediable paralegal certificate, and would never do anything to break the law. yet, i would be considered an indigent in almost any country's social structure. i am not homeless, but pretty damn close to it: one month without social security income from my mom to pay the rent, and me and my crew are out on the street. what is going on?
i have worked hard in my life, made very good grades in all my schooling, yet here i sit. due to a blood condition which i did nothing to create, it is totally genetics, i cannot be insured by small employers. i have been told my insurance would cost around $800 a month due to this blood condition. i enjoyed my freedom when working, i enjoyed working, i have no desire to sit here and even complete this ph.d. journey. in fact, before even starting the ph.d. and the disability case, i desperately tried to go back to work. this is when the recession first hit vegas. so the circumstances i am in right now are not due to any laziness on my part, but due to my physical illnesses and the economy. you pick which one came first.
i have been thinking, some of the most talented people with the brightest ideas dropped a bit of LSD in their youth. i did nothing of the sort. i kept my body clean, no drugs, and not even much alcohol in my youth, or my entire life, as compared to many others. i have no tattoos, loved working out, walking, riding my horse, and just being outdoors. i feel at times if i would have done some drugs, at least i would have had some fun before getting like i am now. instead i just stayed clean, tried to be the best at what i did, and leave things a bit better than when i arrived. what is going on?
so, this is a rather depressing post, and i apologize. since i don't have many followers i am not worried i am going to get too many people depressed. it is what is on aubrey's mind though. this needed to be written and tossed out to the pensive i keep all my thoughts i can't hold in my head. there it is...
i checked in with my doctor who is supposed to be treating me for the lupus and fibromyalgia, and the assistant said there was a note on my file asking, "are we treating her for lupus?" talk about leaving me deflated and hopeless on the disability claim. what is going on?
i am also having to take care of tracking the finances spent in the household, mom is just not up to it. she needs some serious medical tests and exams to find out what is causing her problems, but she can't afford the co-pays. she worked most of her life, and now can't afford the medical co-pays, and this is with additional insurance to the medicare, to help ease her pains and to figure out if she is having mini strokes. this is not an entitlement, this is something she paid into when she worked, and now it is not there. what is going on?
on the local level, a very popular school, one which has had a very successful sports program for as long as i can remember just cancelled the last three games. the reasoning was there was not enough eligible players left to play on the team. there was no details, but is this saying these boys did not make the grades to allow them to play further this year? is education getting cuts so bad we can't afford to teach the average student enough to pass a standardized test? what is going on?
on the national and international level, people are demonstrating and getting very vocal about those with the power. in Italy, the commissioner said the violence seen there was due to the indigents who were protesting. well, sir, i would be considered an indigent in our social class, and i am sure it would be the same in Italy for me in my current circumstances. yet, i have a masters in human services, am over 2/3 through a ph.d., have a very crediable paralegal certificate, and would never do anything to break the law. yet, i would be considered an indigent in almost any country's social structure. i am not homeless, but pretty damn close to it: one month without social security income from my mom to pay the rent, and me and my crew are out on the street. what is going on?
i have worked hard in my life, made very good grades in all my schooling, yet here i sit. due to a blood condition which i did nothing to create, it is totally genetics, i cannot be insured by small employers. i have been told my insurance would cost around $800 a month due to this blood condition. i enjoyed my freedom when working, i enjoyed working, i have no desire to sit here and even complete this ph.d. journey. in fact, before even starting the ph.d. and the disability case, i desperately tried to go back to work. this is when the recession first hit vegas. so the circumstances i am in right now are not due to any laziness on my part, but due to my physical illnesses and the economy. you pick which one came first.
i have been thinking, some of the most talented people with the brightest ideas dropped a bit of LSD in their youth. i did nothing of the sort. i kept my body clean, no drugs, and not even much alcohol in my youth, or my entire life, as compared to many others. i have no tattoos, loved working out, walking, riding my horse, and just being outdoors. i feel at times if i would have done some drugs, at least i would have had some fun before getting like i am now. instead i just stayed clean, tried to be the best at what i did, and leave things a bit better than when i arrived. what is going on?
so, this is a rather depressing post, and i apologize. since i don't have many followers i am not worried i am going to get too many people depressed. it is what is on aubrey's mind though. this needed to be written and tossed out to the pensive i keep all my thoughts i can't hold in my head. there it is...
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